Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that Malaysia does not have a Mongolian Ambassador yet and the nearest Mongolian Embassy is in Bangkok.Those who wish to conduct business with Mongolia need to either contact your Embassy in Bangkok or talk to your Honorary Consul in Kuala Lumpur, Datuk Syed Abdul Rahman Alhabshi. And since Syed Rahman is now unofficially attached to the Malaysian Prime Minister’s office he is not so reachable nowadays.

The purpose of this letter is to enquire whether your government plans to set up an Embassy here in Kuala Lumpur in the near future. If so, then I would like to submit my application for the post of first Mongolian Ambassador to Malaysia.

I understand that foreigners can only qualify for the position of Honorary Consul and that an Ambassador must be a citizen of that country. To qualify I would therefore be prepared to apply for Mongolian citizenship even if that means I need to relinquish my Malaysian citizenship.

I also understand that maintaining an Embassy both in Bangkok and Kuala Lumpur simultaneously would be straining Mongolia’s financial resources, especially in times like these when the world is going through a serious economic crisis. And I suppose that is why your government maintains an Embassy in Bangkok and only an Honorary Consul in Kuala Lumpur.

I have anticipated this and have already started the ball rolling by launching a ‘Mongolian Embassy Development Fund’. Even if I just limit this fund raising exercise to within the Malaysia Today community, I can already raise millions every year even at a rate of RM10 per Malaysia Today reader per year. This can more than pay the cost of maintaining a Mongolian Embassy in Kuala Lumpur.

As for me, I do not expect any salary and would be prepared to work for free. Of course, I would expect a Mongolian passport and the diplomatic immunity that comes with the job. And I of course would want those DC number plates on my car -- not to be confused with Kelantan number plates -- so that I can park my car wherever I like and the police can’t do anything about it.

I had in mind a tax-free Porsche or Ferrari, which works out cheaper than a Proton Saga if without tax, as the official Embassy car. By the way, how many tax-free cars are we entitled to and can my friends and family drive them even though they do not work for the Embassy?

I suspect once the Malaysian government finds out I have applied for the job of Mongolian Ambassador to Malaysia it may lodge a protest and say that I want to set up a Mongolian Embassy in Kuala Lumpur and that I have volunteered to work as the Ambassador for free because of the diplomatic immunity that comes with the job. They will also say that I want diplomatic immunity because I want to be able to show the Malaysian government my middle finger and they will not be able to do anything about it.

That is of course not true at all. My offer to work as the Mongolian Ambassador to Malaysia and help fund the running cost of the Embassy is a most sincere gesture and has nothing to do with whatever allegation that may arise that this is part of my plan to irritate the Malaysian government even more than it is already irritated.

Part of my job as Ambassador would be to explore tourism possibilities between Mongolia and Malaysia. I am confident we can market Puncak Alam in Shah Alam as an ecotourism destination for Mongolian tourists who may find jungle clearings a most shattering and heart stopping experience.

We can include in that tourism package a visit to the upmarket residential area of Bukit Damansara where there are many houses bought with other people’s money, probably the highest per capita in the whole of Malaysia. We can throw in a stopover in Singapore with one night’s free stay in the Mandarin Hotel where a certain famous birthday dinner was held, the photographs of that dinner which have eluded Malaysians for more than two years now.

So, you see, I have big plans and my job as Ambassador will not be just to approve visas or escort Mongolians who come to Malaysia to attend the trial of murdering policemen. I will explore all sorts of other opportunities that can serve the combined interests of Mongolia and Malaysia.

I shall be most happy to travel to Mongolia if you need me to explain in more detail as to how the setting up of an Embassy in Kuala Lumpur could benefit Mongolia. One benefit I can immediately think of would be that Mongolian girls who are being pursued by the Malaysian police on orders of Malaysian politicians no longer need to go all the way to Bangkok like in the past. Now, they would have somewhere right in the heart of Kuala Lumpur to go to.

A second benefit would be once a Mongolian national touched down in Kuala Lumpur, he or she (especially she) can report to the Mongolian Embassy and we would have records of their visit to Malaysia. Then, if the Malaysian government deletes their immigration records from the computer, we can show the Malaysian government that our records prove that that person did come to Malaysia and never left the country.

I trust you find my proposal viable and of interest to the government of Mongolia and I look forward to your reply. By the way, I don’t know where I would be at any given point of time so please just deliver the letter to Bukit Aman and they will know how to find me as I am constantly being followed by the Special Branch officers at all times.

Yours truly,

Raja Petra Bin Raja Kamarudin